Today I had a beautiful talk with Lorianne; today I requested my birth certificate from the New York Vital Records department (I’m working on getting citizenship in the EU. Today’s demand was a first step, but a significant one); today I holed up in my apartment while the rain poured down and made, contrary to my earlier indignancies about the New Year, all sorts of lists of what I wanted to do before I die and the dreams I have for this next year. (It’s a strange position to be in: I at once both love my life and, given the chance, would not change one iota of it, but also am looking forward to so, so much in my future. Sometimes it’s hard to stay present.) I committed to 100days, and though I think I’m already a few months into this dedication, I like checking in with a community.
(And a note of happiness. M is on his way down to visit. It almost scares me how I just keep falling more and more deeply in love with this man.)
It’s daunting, writing again. I feel as though I’m stumbling over myself with all I want to express, or all I want to commit to the page. I keep wanting to go back and catch up (I could write about Christmas; I could write about Syriana, the first film I’ve seen, or wanted to see, in theaters since June; I could write about how I looked at a newspaper this past weekend for the first time in weeks and wondered how it was that I ever used to need that morning ritual; I could write about this sound and how it reminds me being a little girl again), but this seems somehow both useless and silly. I’m here now, and that was then, and while the past is invaluable and there is nothing wrong with reflection I should come at it from a place of enthusiasm and curiosity, and not overwhelmed obligation.
Now, though, here, there is triviality. I’m looking forward to a short week. Today was a vacation – one which I’d forgotten completely about; it was an admittedly appreciated surprise – and on Friday I’m flying to Las Vegas for work. Fortunately I don’t have too many other obligations – a client on Tuesday and my own Wednesday appointment – but it’s still going to mean I’ll be a little more cramped for time than usual.
Did I mention my New Year’s Eve was wonderful? Did I mention I love the word auspicious? Did I mention that these three questions are intimately related?