I felt so frustratingly restless today.
This generally comes about after M leaves; I anxiously want to scoot into the future, toward the time when we’ll be able to live together. Our occasional weekends are wonderful, to be sure, and all the more vivid for their infrequency, but I still can’t help but hunger for something more.
It is frustrating, though, because I know I’m fortunate to be here. I love my job. I love my grad program. And at the same time I want to be finished with both; I want to have graduated; I want to have obtained my license. I want to take a year off to travel and learn at least one language; I want to decide in what country I want to live. I know this eagerness for the future is silly. Life won’t be any easier, certainly, once I get there, and god knows it can’t possibly be any more enjoyable than it is now.
Still. I want, as usual.