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I’ve been writing elsewhere, in silence, and I’m not sure why. Perhaps it is the fantasy of secrecy; perhaps mere shyness. But does reason matter? What matters is: I’ve abandoned this place for far too long, and I miss this broader and more treacherous home.

Certain things are perfect. (I am not one of them, but even this is a matter of perspective; given enough times, everything disintegrates into the necessary.) Today the rain was perfect, and perfect was the day, and there was even something perfect in the sugared glass and metal tissue and throbbing lights of the car accident that slowed my slow way home.

Thanksgiving is next week. Last Thanksgiving M. was three weeks into a three month caging in a windowless detention center; this Thanksgiving it will be enough to spend together. And there is so much more, from the growing being in the belly of my sister to my marriage and slow shuffle east, from this house and our home and our hurrying business to our move and our love and our everything.

Still, no matter how much I give it, the past gulps down each new day as if starving. How can anyone stand living at the brink of the world? I keep peering over the edge, and it is dizzying.

6 Comments Post a comment
  1. It is always good to see your name appear in my IN box. I am wishing you well in your upcoming marriage, and your move, and in your business. I am presently in the recovery phase from having recently had surgery for abdominal cancer. My prognosis is good, and my health is slowly returning. I am looking forward to a new beginning in 2013, and hope that the New Year brings you good health, love, and prosperity. Always good to “hear your voice”. Much love.

    November 15, 2012
  2. Tracy #

    Great to hear you here again, Siona. May your blessings unfold as you wish, may the hunger of your past be sated with the joy of your present..

    November 16, 2012
  3. (o)

    November 17, 2012
  4. Nancy and Tracy and of course dear Maria: Thank you. Sometimes I wish that the openness of the web didn’t feel so vast, nor I so vulnerable; your notes remind me that there is a goodness in each.

    November 17, 2012
  5. Barbara Joy #

    So lovely to see you back here.

    November 18, 2012
  6. I’m always delighted to see that you’ve written something here, and never disappointed when I read your words, Siona. Being on the receiving end is different: instead of reminding me of the vastness, I feel the touch of one person who I care about a lot, which makes the vastness a little less so.

    November 20, 2012

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